A few nights ago, as I watched VH1’s Basketball Wives, something very peculiar, yet familiar began to unravel right before my very eyes. One of the shows stars, Evelyn Lozada, began to lose herself in trying to please and keep a man. However, this is nothing shocking or unusual. Women have been doing this for years, and they will probably continue to do it. How do I know? Because, I have personally experienced this and have witnessed countless numbers of my friends, acquaintances, and even my foes experience the same. I sometimes refer to it as the “cool chick syndrome”. More plainly stated, it’s simply not knowing your self-worth and having low self-esteem.
Let’s examine this more closely. Who is the “cool chick”? She is that one “chick” who will do or allow anything to occur within her “relationship” with her “man”, as long as she knows what he’s about, what he’s doing, and with whom he’s doing it. She will allow him to roam as long she’s the “main one”. Please, allow me to put a pause in your judgment because if you’re honest with yourself, at some point either you or someone close to you has done the same; felt that he can be changed if you understand his plight. Your thoughts or the thoughts of your friend may have been just as Evelyn’s thoughts were last night… “I would be a fool to think that you’re not doing something on the side, but I just need for you to be honest with me, be careful and use condoms…”. Really??? Or, “If we have a threesome, I have to at least like the girl…”. You may have heard your sister or your friend say, “I know he loves me, but I also know what he does on the side.” I could go on and on with the scenarios and innuendoes, but it all leads to the same road of degradation, pity, shame, and hurt. If you don’t believe me, rewind and watch the clip. She started crying as a result of being hurt. But as a result of trying to be tough and trying to mask her hurt, she began to joke and laugh. How sad…
This article is not written to discourage or to belittle women in this predicament, but it is written to simply encourage, enlighten, and empower you. Do you know your worth? The Bible records in Proverbs 31:10-31 the description of The Virtuous Woman. It talks about her price/her worth being far above rubies. It also remarks how she cares for her household and her family, and how her children and her husband in return for her graciousness call her “blessed”. When a man truly loves you, he will never ask you to compromise your integrity or your dignity. He won’t ask you to commit acts that will eventually cause you to lose yourself. He won’t need anything extra because you will be more than he can handle. He will respect your strength and embrace it, and he treat you as a cherished asset to himself.
I know it may be a long shot, but if the celebrity I’m referring to should happen to read this, or to anyone who may be experiencing this, please know that you are beautiful! This is not about him. But, this is to help you understand that you deserve more than you are allowing yourself to receive. So, what if you have to be alone for a while. Get acquainted with yourself, and perhaps your children, and strengthen your relationship with God. Know your boundaries and respect them. Command respect and exude confidence. You owe that to yourself, and you owe even more to God. After all, He beautifully created you with a purpose, so make life WORTH while!
Godspeed and God bless…
Allison N. Funches
The Elect Ladies 